the thing is, i guess i dont really know who i am. well, i know that im essentially a good person and that i love the people that i love and all of that. but a lot of who i am and where im going and all the rest of that is drawn from other people. by 'people' i mean those who are close enough to tell me intimate things. at a very basic level, i suppose, im just insecure and because of this, it just screws me over when things start to change and im supposed to stop feeling a certain way about someone. i mean, i cant stop feeling the way i do simply because someone has decided differently.


okay, get to the damn point.



i remember i had one best cousin, one of those cousins who knew everything, even the very minor details of my life, things even my mother isnt aware of. and of course the exboyfriend whom by the way to this very day, still has his ways finding my-life-update-url.i guess in a very weird-in-denial-fucked up way, i believe that he sees my life as quite the diva for him to be part of. then there was an exbff turned fling, also the sweetest friend i knew. i mean, sure, we got on each other's nerves every now and then but it was mostly either because i was being grumpy or he was being super-organized.



so there. you people are like 'kodak' moments. you are real. you remain in my mind as inedible happy thoughts. my point is, will there be more to let go in future? cos i dont think i can handle 'more'.