i remember birthdays,i usually do. its my thing, celebrations and happy faces and happy days.perhaps, some of you may have experienced my humble form of gratitude. the recent was the bff's surprise birthday dinner at ole-ole bali, solaris mont kiara. however, i must confess that recently i may have purposely miss out some birthday wishes. the truth is i was trying to avoid unwanted comebacks. also recently i fired an awkward but very sincere birthday wish, and some were against it. then later, they mentioned that they had done the same thing, only for not wanting me to think less of them,which i didnt.

this constant human behaviour analysis in my head costs me massive brainpower. sometimes i have to mull over a million different scenarios in order to prevent the sense of blind rage in mind. other times im dying to say a million things at once, but i figured i'd think over first and end up saying nothing at all. i must confess, this new habbit of overanalyzing-emotional-dos-and-donts in the pauses between my lines of words, comes from my abiding memory of mistakes in the past; i was always ready for an earthquake and emotional traumas.

i guess, in order to be perpetually calm, i need to master the art of juggling. juggling the what if(s) and the should i(s). im new at it, wish me luck.