due to our wounded pride, i dedicate this story to whom it may concern; especially those who were also hurt along the way in making HER life easier.

this is what happens when people find life in other people, when you always think that food of someone else's plate tastes better than your own. the world cannot bring itself to believe that the very young can want such a thing, and the older act otherwise. she is damaged, demanding, fragile, fake, suicidal, self-distruct; her failures are written all over her. she wants to reach new levels of excitement. she wants to feel something, even if its sickness or bruises. she wants to be entertained. in retrospect i think i was supposed to entertain her. drugs, alcohol, even the meanest hangover couldnt mask her longing for the most unnecessary things in her entire adult life.

thinking im stupid probably makes her feel good about herself. that would make me seem like an uncivilized maniac, and i cant stand the idea of anyone thinking of me that way. i dont perceive what i was doing to be wrong, and i certainly dont consider myself inferior to her.

i left her , with her bad vibes she carries around for self-pitty. is it worth living in hell to get a better view of heaven?